??????????

This time I never forge regret in my delicacy for the fact that I left you. The day I grade you and remarked-am a masochist so I love left alone by the nameless relation in this pink crust of uneven dreams. An expectation of a night message, leading top to the moon with the concrete steps, the hanging coconut leaves, moon is realized to be cut into unequal parts with the shade of the leaves. Stars I guess have gone to prepare for me a dirge for the coming years,if not at least for few dark days. Everything is monotonously captured by ME,a special night of my own. Am in one end from the god’s own country and you somewhere struggling for existence, suffocating in the concrete jungles.You really loved your life I know.You had a lover I know in the dazzling cold islands of corals before she left you cold .Its better to go for a dream that I haven’t met you in my life before..What impact a meeting can create? Nothing but a vision can do a lot more I guess, no complete stand of my own. I can’t cut even into paragraphs because there is no stop in the flow of my thoughts about you as we simply transformed the seconds to hard hours. It’s getting mixed impacts. A nameless relation I keep with you, it’s your reminder. I say its nothing above than a friendship but you assure its something above than any relations. It’s nameless and we are damn special friends…
It will be like a history to recall our past. Quite a boring one nowadays to think about those baseless emotions. I penned the first letter to you, prayed near the red box to get delivered to you because I know it should cross the purity of the ever purest partner of the Arabian Sea. T here was always a materialistic distance between us. A m excited you are living near the sea. What was the shape of your face? I don’t know but I know you got an innocent smile. What else I know about you, nothing just know I got the hallucinated effect of few lyrics and I spare a thought for you.Hearing Lucky Ali’s gori teri aankein kahein why should I remember you? Even it doesn’t match with our themes may be the lyrics got that magical power. Why did that song settled in me for near to a decade? Why I made it my hello tune and made you hear it again and again. Today like a mild dosage I watch it again to realize am a human being, I will get fed up with the song like wise I thought will think about you every day so you will vanish from my visions forever,am a human being it should happen. But tell isn’t me an angel? Why again rushing is coming from my eyes when you surrender me with few frozen memories.

How many times should we make up a break-up in the relations? This time I made a tear in your eyes, left you bereft.Bereft? i must be wrong am forgetting that you are now a metro sexual in the most rocking city of India. You are no more with your head pasted with oil and your forehead with the ‘sandal wood paste” You got a good smile I know but I forgot to see how masculinity made a change in you .Today I consoled myself, I escaped from you with the thought that my scrap book is locked, my album is locked.Shtyle or Facebook, whatever everything got a decline button to make you exist from my world of reality.Today am a mystery for you as usual..But I know you noticed my all changes in my orkut profile’tells you am in Hyderabad, in a reputed university, am a jovial soul with friends. Me too ROCKING ON…..Still why at times staring at the projector of the film theory class I bang to invisible tears? Again no similarity with our theme to THE LAST LAUGH…it’s a German expressionistic film, but I assure an expression gone itself before allowing the bud to bloom as a flower,may be a cereus and to droop forever. Why your voice irritated me inside when you dedicated me the songs from some Pakistani bands, Why I apathies you as the future Indian Idol. why I gave my pearly tear in the evacuated hall even skillfully hiding it from Ammu who was sitting beside me trying to find a reason to speculate the work of farhaan and crew as she does with the sagar stores sand witch and spencer’s chaat..why I was forced to compare myself with sonam in Luck by Chance…Still sipping the choco feast from sagars,cracking jokes at pals, confused with Jibu Matthew’s research paper made it clear online saying CONFUSED WITH EPIPHANIES. Walking along the roads in late night , having a mess with cuppa mania and krackjacks all compel me to find an identity a quest of my elope from my broken promises. I assure am going back to myself because I started killing you from my interiors, but the lost hours in the empty church can perhaps console me.Something,something is left in me but no options we won’t find the night’s endless chaats,musical rain ,may be a moment in the optimistic future you may find a dejavou about it never mistook it as a dream infact it’s my dedication as a virtual reality to you. Am changing and want to change for I got a strong mind, no options again left . I realized the first step of my solitude…Am leaving all memories in vain. I will cremate my words either in the barren lands of A.P or in Karnataka border .Rain, rain and rain Iam loving here, am tainted with the heat which dehydrated me like heart dipped in salinity. Am an existence who loves to get hurt though I never care how the scorching heat kills me ,the skin is shedding pehapsKrishna is living in me, at times I meditate about my nostalgia, still love to hear the same Kailash kher songs,the turmoil life is still in me,the lonliness is getting polished day by day atlast again am remembering my plight; THE PLIGHT OF A LUCKY NO:7 SAGITTARIAN. Am locking my day saying am the happiest living creature in the world as with James Joyce a realization from an epiphany. Today you are free from my care and I thank you for making me feel regret on my immature thoughts-‘a revenge to everyone, sometimes even to my own blood. A hatred I kept with the found; the bookishness made me aloof from the ancestral ways, if not me too an oracle with the fiber threaded hair, a cloth in saffron and the reddish tongue with spit in the mouth, watering and giving away those magical vibrations, if bit of divinity left, make me the cock,cut the throat, take away the wings,sip the blood, quench your thirst….am no more me”…..so weird in remembering the past, am forgetting saying a sorry that you got that power to make me dead, make me stick to an irrational difference, lowering me to a microscopic organism. Am in room no: 27,from corridor am hearing jamming music, the campus is silent rushed to the hard decibel noises….am feeling a freeness, a mild music of Bryan Adams is soothing me, now its time for me to feel the consequences of my epiphany unlike Joyce, let me go for a temporary death in search of a new vocation in the next day afternoon dreaming about the salty chicken of mess at a hope behind this closing of eyes. its materialistic aesthetic happening………